


She Keeps Me Warm

by lxvelybyers



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: AU: Hopper is really dead, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Bisexual Joyce Byers, F/F, Feelings Realization, Girls Kissing, I'M SORRY BUT IT'S IMPORTANT FOR THE PLOT, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Joyce / The Byers fam is Jewish, Lesbian Karen Wheeler, Lesbian Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, hints of depression, this has little to do with the plot it's just a fact
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25486228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxvelybyers/pseuds/lxvelybyers
Summary: After what happened at the Starcourt Mall, Joyce seriously believed that she'd never find her happiness again. Especially not in Hawkins, the town she was so relieved to finally get away from. But the kids wanted to see their friends again, it was the only thing they've wished for ever since they moved. How could Joyce resist there? Right, she couldn't. And so she found herself driving their car back to Hawkins, kids in the back, suitcases with them, and her anxiety becoming worse with every mile they drove.---------After realising that almost every Karen x Joyce fanfic is a smutty lesbian oneshot, I decided to give these two babies their own story with an actual plot. Even tho I'm actually team Jopper, Joyce and Karen will always own a part of my heart.Set after season 3AU: Hopper is really dead in this one. I'm honestly so so sorry, I broke my own heart writing this too, but it's important for the plot :(Title is from the song "She Keeps Me Warm" by Mary Lambert.This one is also on Wattpad (same username & title)
Relationships: Joyce Byers/Karen Wheeler, Minor Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler - Relationship, minor Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield - Relationship, minor will byers/mike wheeler - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there :)  
> Thanks for showing interest in this fanfiction!  
> I'll try to post one chapter every week, but I'm not sure which day and if I'll be able to keep up this schedule, I'm sure you can understand :)  
> As always, I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, I try to avoid them but english isn't my mother tongue, plus I wrote 80% of this at 4 am while I was watching family guy... 
> 
> I'm certainly using this :) emoji too much.

Joyce Byers couldn’t believe it. The fact that she experienced this again. The nervous, but joyful tingle, the butterflies in her stomach. The bright smile plastered on her face, the feeling of floating on a cloud, because _this was the day_. When she got divorced, she thought “okay, this was it, the only marriage I ever had, and now it’s over, and it’s going to stay like that until the day I leave this earth." But now, she was standing here, in her bedroom on a beautiful morning in Spring 1986, and Karen Wheeler was walking around her, making sure her dress looked perfect. Her wedding dress. Which she would be wearing when she, in about two hours, would officially become Mrs. Hopper.  
“You look wonderful, Joyce.”, Karen said, smiling brightly, “I’m so happy for you.”  
Joyce returned the smile (well, actually she’d been smiling all day already and just couldn’t stop) and wrapped her friend up in a warm hug. “Thank you so much. For everything.”  
“There’s nothing you need to thank me for, it’s a matter of course. Now, we better leave, we don’t want to be too late to your own wedding!” Karen gave Joyce one last, bright smile before the two women headed outside to the car. The kids and Hopper had already left and were at the lake where the ceremony would take place. It was a beautiful, idyllic place, far away from the city, surrounded by woods and hills. They had both decided for a non-ecclesiastic wedding, since Joyce was Jewish and Hopper not really religious anyways. They also didn’t want something traditional, with lots of people and plain, elegant white furniture and decoration. Their love-story, their lives, were anything but typical or traditional, so they decided to go for something else, for something unusual but absolutely perfect and fitting for the two of them.  
The drive to the wedding location went like a blur. The next thing Joyce could properly remember was her racing, but joyful heart, as her oldest son led her down the aisle, to where her soon-to-be husband was waiting. Everything seemed sparkly, a bit too bright, so light, so perfect. Like no one, nothing could ever make her feel sad again. Right now, she was convinced that she was the happiest woman alive. Hopper’s smile and teary eyes warmed her heart, and she couldn’t help but let out a small, happy giggle as she reached him.  
“You’re so beautiful.”, he whispered, and she knew he meant it, with his entire heart.  
“So are you.”, she responded quietly, still struggling to hold back her happy giggles.  
“Oh yeah?”, he asked, his smile suddenly becoming hostile. She frowned. “Am I really looking beautiful right now, Joyce?”  
Somehow she hasn’t realised before, but suddenly she noticed how dark everything has become. The thin sleeves of her dress didn’t protect her from the sudden cold, and she shivered, even if not only because of the cold. When did that happen? It had passed by her like a blur. A painful knot formed in her chest and she looked around with an anxious gaze. Where the kids had been sitting before, smiling, happily glaring up at their parents, the chairs were empty and knocked over now, destroyed. So were the flowers, the decoration. The guests were gone, and the sun was covered by thick, grey dust, not letting any sunshine come through. The place almost looked like a wild bull had run all over it. 

Or like an explosion had gone off. 

A huge explosion. 

Of a huge thing. 

Like a gigantic machine. 

Her heart definitely didn’t race from joy anymore. It felt like she was back, in that Russian base. What the hell happened here? She tried to think logically, but her head felt impossibly heavy, and like it was stuffed with cotton wool. She slowly dared to look at Hopper again, eyes widened in fear, and what she saw in front of her was what pushed her over the edge of panic.  
He certainly didn’t look handsome or beautiful anymore. His skin was burned, red and falling off from his bones, the smile barely noticeable anymore, looking so disturbing that it made her stomach turn. On some parts of his face you could see the skull, and if she hadn’t known it was him, she wouldn’t have recognised him. He was standing in front of her, staring at her with what was left of his eyes. Her breaths became fast and short, tears shot into her eyes.  
“See what you did to me, Joyce.”, he said with a horrible, raspy voice, not sounding like him at all.  
She wanted to scream, but all she could do was stand there. Dust got into her lungs, and she choked up and coughed, but it didn’t help. She couldn’t breathe. Dust burned in her eyes, in her lungs. She saw her vision become blurry, darker. And she still couldn’t move, nor scream, nor _fucking breathe_.  
“You could’ve prevented this, Joyce.” 

Joyce rose from her nightmare with a hoarse scream, her breath fast and irregular. She was bathed in sweat, and groped for the light switch of the lamp on her nightstand. _Okay, it’s okay, just a nightmare, you’re safe._ She repeated the words in her head, over and over again. _You’re safe, it was just a nightmare._ She sat up, still panting and gasping, her mind still not fully convinced that it was just a dream, and that she was safe. The adrenalin was pushing through her veins, telling her with every fiber to run, jump, sprint just for God's sake get away from here. Her mind raced, captured in panic and anxiety. Tears streamed down her face, she had no control over them, and she pulled her legs to her chest and hugged them, curling into a ball on her bed to muffle down her cries in the fabric of her pyjama pants. She took deep breaths, focused on her breathing rhythm, kept her mind from slipping further into the dangerous territory. _Just a dream, just a dream, just a dream…  
Okay. It’s okay. I’m okay._  
One last, deep breath, and she dared to lift her head again and look around in her room. It was normal, as always, no destroyed furniture or heavy dust in the air. She closed her eyes and let out an exhausted sigh. A pounding headache announced itself already, triggered by the screams in her head. She decided she needed a cigarette right. now. With shaky fingers she grabbed the cigarette pack and smoked in silence, trying to numb the pain in her head (unsuccessfully. As always). Her cigarette burned down within a time that felt like seconds, and she let out a long, frustrated breath as she realised that she still felt as shitty as before. Not like she had expected anything else. But sometimes, a cigarette helped, at least for a while, like a bandage on a flesh wound. At least enough to let her lay back down and close her eyes (being able to rest still was a different story though). But going back to sleep was impossible for the rest of the night, she knew it. Not with that upset mind of hers and the screams inside her head. She may have calmed from the state of panic, but the mess inside her head wasn’t something that was only there when she had a nightmare. It was constant. Only now, when she was alone in her room, freshly awoken by a nightmare, it was a bit louder, a bit more pressuring. 

She glanced at her alarm clock, the clock hands ticking in a second rhythm which seemed oddly loud in the silence of the bedroom. 4 am. Three more hours until she should get up and make breakfast anyways. She sighed. Okay, three hours were bearable. Slowly, to not trigger her headache even further, she got up and walked into her bathroom. The new house was a bit bigger than the old one and it had two bathrooms, which meant that one of them was hers, and only hers. Will and El owned the bigger one upstairs, and when Jonathan came by for a visit, he used his siblings’ one most of the time.  
She closed the bathroom door, took off her clothes and stepped under the shower, washing off the thin layer of sweat on her skin which had shown up while she was still caught in that nightmare world of hers. She let the hot, moist air around her impact her senses, make her feel warm and a little bit dizzy, in spite of everything. It always took her a few minutes to realise, but now, as she was standing under the hot water, she felt how cold she had actually been before while sitting on her bed. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the sound of the water splashing down to her body and the floor of the shower. She breathed in and out, deeply, it was the main way she always tried to keep her fucked up mind under control with.

It’s not like she didn’t know what to do in given situations. Nightmares were something she woke up from nearly every night for the last two years already. It was odd to admit, but after those two years of nightly nightmare-experiences, some kind of routine had settled in: get your breath under control, stay quiet so you don’t wake the kids, and then try to get through the rest of the night somehow. It was sad, but Joyce would call herself a nightmare-expert. She got into dealing with them quite well. At least Jonathan didn’t have to run into her room and calm her down after he woke up from her screams anymore. She now got through the nightmare-aftermaths in silence.  
Still, Tonight’s nightmare has been one of the bad ones. _“You could’ve prevented this, Joyce.”_ His words echoed in her head, with this raspy, empty voice that didn’t sound like him at all. Yeah, he was right. She could’ve prevented it. She was very well aware of that, since this painful thought was permanently stuck in her head ever since July. She could’ve prevented everything. Not only Hopper’s, but also Bob’s death. Will’s vanishing. All of it. If only she’d been careful and thought about things twice for _once in her goddamn life._ She took another deep breath. Now, as the state of panic she was usually in after a nightmare, had faded and she was sure that she wouldn’t slip into a panic attack or similar stuff (that it was important to wait until her mind has left the dangerous territory was one thing she had learned during those two years), she allowed herself to recall the pictures of her nightmare. The destroyed wedding location. The dust in her lungs. His fucking burned body. And his words, his stupid two sentences which were stuck in her head in an infinite loop. You could’ve prevented it. You could’ve prevented it. You could’ve prevented it. That’s all she could think of. 

_You could’ve prevented it._ Hopper looking at her, one millisecond before she turned the keys. 

_You could’ve prevented it._ El crying the entire night, holding onto Joyce who didn’t feel like she deserved to be the person El held onto in such a situation at all. 

_You could’ve prevented it._ Will, El and Jonathan being heartbroken over leaving the only place they’ve ever known as home. Hawkins. Leaving their friends, their love. 

_You could’ve prevented it._ Bob entered her mind. With his sweet personality and unconditional loyalty which cost him his life in the end. 

_You could’ve prevented it._ Will still struggling with his lungs sometimes and having a weak immune system, even more than two years after the Upside Down. 

_You could’ve prevented it._

The tears began to fall again, this time not because she was panicking. No, this time it was because she was hurting. Guilt came crashing down on her, guilt, as well as the heartbreak she felt by herself, as well as the huge amount of anxiety she somehow managed to lock away until situations when she was alone, like right now. It was eating her alive. Constantly there to wait for a second of her giving in, getting weak, not being able to hold the unbearable amount of weight she was dragging around. Her hands wandered into her hair, gripping it tightly as she was trying to keep quiet as good as possible. A small sob escaped her anyways, a tiny part of the sounds her body turned her feelings into. She sank to her knees and sat down in the shower, the water still running. Her head fell onto her knees instantly, her hands still in her wet hair. Here, in the shower, she didn’t bother to keep herself from crying. It was 4 am right now, the kids were still asleep. Now, it was her turn to let out her feelings. For the first time today, she allowed herself to let the memories reach her. Tonight, it was memories of Hopper and her in high school, sharing cigarettes under the stairs and complaining about their parents, school and annoying classmates, worrying about things which were completely ridiculous and silly. But hey, at least they were happy back then.  
Happy. A word that has gone missing in her life. A word she would never use and mean it. Not anymore at least.

She doubted that she even remembered what it really felt like. Of course, theoretically, she knew, and she had always told herself that this was it, this is what happiness felt like, convinced herself that it was supposed to feel like that. But did she really know? It’s been so long. And she was tired. So, so tired. She should’ve just gone to that damn date with him, instead of diving into this fucking magnet issue. Then, she would possibly know what happiness felt like by now. She wouldn’t sit here right now, crying in the shower at 4 am.  
She wouldn’t have small, but aggressive cuts all over her wrists and lower arms, already partly healed, but still there as a souvenir from a time when she didn’t know another way to cope with everything, from a time when she was sitting here, just like right now, slowly cutting her skin open while the blood pouring out of her wounds mixed with the transparent water, leaving her in a red-ish coloured puddle. But that was too much, of course. Making the right decision was out of Joyce Byers’ reach. The pattern had showed itself early already.  


She didn’t know how long she kept swimming in this pool of guilt, heartbreak and anxiety. She kept her eyes closed until she was breathing normally again, and her tears slowed down, were almost completely washed away by the water. She took a deep breath. _Okay, that’s it for tonight, I guess._ She thought. As her senses began to work again and she noticed her surroundings and environment, she felt that the water began to run cold. Shit. She got up and turned the water off, her responsible and logical part breaking through, after an alarming short time, considering her condition only a few seconds ago. That’s what happens after years of covering your feelings, putting others first, always. She wrapped herself into a bathrobe and sneaked back into her bedroom, grabbing her pack of cigarettes and glancing at the clock. 4.36 am. Fuck. She had wasted so much water. El and Will would probably have to use cold water later when they went to take a shower. _Shit._  
_You could’ve prevented it._  
Ha-ha, very funny, she thought dryly.  


Chewing on her lower lip, guilt and anger with herself pooling inside her stomach once again, she went out and walked through the living room. She hesitated a second, looking at the bags standing next to the couch, ready to be taken on a journey. _Right,_ she thought. _This evening, I’ll be back in the town I actually never wanted to go back to._  
Hawkins. Something inside her twisted just at the thought of the town. She had left with the hope of properly coping with everything. And even though she now saw that it only made things worse, that nothing had changed except the fact that El and Will missed her friends and were outsiders at the new school, what resulted in them being lonely, she didn’t want to go back to Hawkins. The shadows that haunted the town were still too dark, too penetrating. Unfortunately, she seemed to be the only one who was that affected by those shadows, at least it was worst in her case. El and Will seemed to connect Hawkins with only one thing: their friends, finally having someone except themselves. Everything else, the trauma, seemed to vanish into the background of their vision.  
Joyce sighed and walked past the bags, through the front door and outside to the porch. She sat down on the small bench, ignoring the low temperature, and smoked until the sun came up at the horizon, signalling her that it was time to make breakfast for her and the kids, get ready for their trip and act like everything was alright, and that they would be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit short, sorry for that. And this is also mainly some more reviewing of what happened since July, but I promise, it's the last chapter like that :)  
> Enjoy!

**The day before Thanksgiving, 1985**

Moving certainly hasn’t been easy. What started out as a brilliant idea to get away from all this, the whole trauma and pain, turned out as nothing but trouble, stress and yet more pain. Joyce had been blinded by the hope her idea of moving had given her, was determined and convinced that everything would be perfect and fine in their new home. That there they would get over everything that’s happened, and move on properly, leave the bad stuff behind.  
Looking back now, she didn’t know what has come to her mind back then and what had made her so optimistic, after life taught her a million times that it wasn’t worth for her to be optimistic at all.  
Maybe it’s been the hurt.  
Maybe her anxiety, and her constant need to know her kids in safety.  
Or maybe, she’d just been stupid and made a wrong decision, like, well, often. Too often for the still very few 38 years of her life.  
The only thing she knew was that she should’ve listened to Jonathan, all along. He had told her as soon as he knew about her plans that her expectations were too high, and that she couldn’t just rip El and Will, not to mention himself, away from their friends without even asking them. But Joyce, stubborn as she is, had stayed her ground, and after several very long and exhausting discussions with Jonathan, she made the final decision: moving. She just wanted to get away, back then she was almost panicking at only the thought of staying in Hawkins. For a short time, she had considered to move to Maine, like Bob had suggested, but as soon as Bob’s original plan came back into her mind, Maine wasn’t an option anymore. The memory of Bob would always cause a painful sting in Joyce’s heart, no matter how long he was gone.  


Three months later, she dragged her family all the way from Indiana to Pennsylvania, with a hopeful mood and well-minded that everything would be better now, for her as well as for the kids (no matter that they barely were kids anymore, they’d always be her babies).  
She soon had to realise it certainly wasn’t easier for any of them. The house she managed to buy somehow was bigger than the old one, but that was the only good thing about it really. The electricity didn’t really work at all when they arrived, there were too many water damages to count all over the house, and the heaters also tended to stop working at random times, leaving the family in a freezing home. Joyce had tried to convince Jonathan to go off to NYU with Nancy, but he insisted on moving with them for support, at least for the first months. After all, and in spite of their heavy disagreements about the issue, he was still Jonathan: loyal through and through. El and Will had to share a room for the first few weeks until Joyce kicked Jonathan more or less out because she couldn’t stand the thought of her own son giving up on his dreams to support her.  
By then, her hope had already faded and the guilt replaced it. Pennsylvania turned shit to the better, it actually just made everything worse. The neighbours were nice and all, but only on a small-talk at the store- level, nothing more. The new town wasn’t any bigger than Hawkins had been, so avoiding gossip and the toxicity of certain people was impossible if you weren’t careful, and you quickly turned into the talk of the town if you just did one slightly unusual or exciting thing. Still, this was something she could get over, because not being the talk of the town anymore wasn’t the reason she came here. She came here because she wanted her and her family to heal. To finally catch a break, to give El and Will the possibility to fully grow up, graduate and start into adult life in an environment where they wouldn’t have to fear to be caught by government people, evil Russians or monsters from another dimension any second. Well, maybe these dangers weren’t a problem anymore, but therefore there were others here: they showed in the form of bullies, loneliness and for El in being totally unable to handle with going to school for the first time. El and Will always only were the “new kids”, and neither of them has found one single friend within these almost two months of school. They both were unhappy, said the new school sucked, and even though the bond between them grew stronger day by day, Joyce saw how much they suffered, and it broke her. El and Will longed for Hawkins, and even though Joyce still frowned at the thought of going back, she couldn’t blame them. All she did was blaming herself. For ripping them away from everything they’ve ever knew, especially El, just like that. She didn’t think that whether El or Will was particularly angry with her, what was good, she was already angry enough with herself. 

So, long story short, this move that was supposed to be a remover of this pile of guilt and pain just caused more guilt and pain, pain for the kids, both of it for Joyce herself. The cold reality had shown: healing wasn’t possible in Hawkins, but neither was it here. Grief and pain don’t stick with places, it sticks with people, and what they’ve been through. At daytime, she put up a mask, stayed strong for El, for Will. But at night, she let the mask fall, and showed her broken, her grieving part. Well, no one was there to show it to of course. Maybe it was herself she was showing it to. Because sometimes, in very rare moments, her mask was so strong, she also started to believe it was real. Started to believe that something had, finally, changed. That she was “okay”. But at night, when she was alone with her thoughts, she realised, once again, that she hadn’t been “okay” in a very long time. And sometimes it even felt like she never would be.  


As Thanksgiving came closer, El and Will mentioned the topic of meeting the Wheelers and the rest of the party again. Joyce had just nodded, her mind still halfway in her double shift the next day, and agreed without even thinking about it. The kids wanted to see their friends again, and they would come over for Thanksgiving. What was bad about it? The thing that pulled her focus on the conversation and left her like a deer in headlights was when El mentioned the “problem”: The Wheelers couldn’t really leave over Thanksgiving. Karen had “an important issue” going on and she needed to stay home, at least it would be better if she did. In the back of her head Joyce asked herself what that “issue” could be, but she didn’t really waste a thought on this. A much more pressuring thought caught her attention: _The Wheelers couldn’t come here. They would have to go to the Wheelers._  
“So we have to go to Hawkins?”, was the first and only question she asked this evening. El and Will nodded, obviously not seeing the problem with going back (because this problem was Joyce’s alone). First, everything inside her screamed only one thing: no, absolutely not, we’re not going back to Hawkins, that isn’t even an option. She’d lie if she said she didn’t panic slightly in this moment. But as she thought about it later that evening, when she was in bed and couldn’t sleep, once again, she changed her mind. She wouldn’t like it, but this wasn’t about her, not anymore. She had messed it up, was the reason the kids even needed to make complicated plans about when and how long they could meet instead of just saying “meet me in ten”, and now she needed to make it up to them. Joyce had been so mad at herself (still was), that she said yes, called Jonathan the next day and told him about their new plan. Two days later, Jonathan had arrived, the bags were packed, and Joyce found herself driving their car back to Hawkins, kids in the back, suitcases with them, and her anxiety becoming worse with every mile they drove.

~~~

Four hours into the drive to Hawkins, they stopped at a gas station. Jonathan had dozed off in the passenger seat, but he woke up as the car stopped. “Should I get us something to eat?”, he asked. Joyce nodded and yawned, the lack of sleep leaving its traces. Jonathan left the car and went towards the small shop, and Joyce turned her head to look at Will and El in the backseat. In spite of her cruel exhaustion, what she saw made her smile. Will had fallen asleep with his headphones on his ears, listening to one of his brother’s mixtapes. El had also fallen asleep, her teddy bear held to her chest tightly. She cuddled with it every night, in spite of soon turning 15, and Joyce couldn’t blame her. She knew that Hopper gave this teddy bear to El as one of the first things he ever gave to her. Also, El had some very child-like habits in general. As well as the opera soaps and Miami Vice, she watched the kids cartoons on TV every day, and she was fascinated by any kind of lights, especially Christmas lights and Christmas decoration in general. Other people would’ve wondered where these habits came from and thought it was odd, but Joyce understood it only too well. This girl never had a proper childhood, so she had every right to experience the few child-like things she still could and wanted to do at the age of 14 years.  


Joyce turned around again and put her head on the steering wheel, exhaustion slowly taking over. She’s been living like this for a long time already (yes, she knew it wasn’t healthy) and she could deal with it, but that didn’t mean her limbs ached less or her eyelids were less heavy. She closed her eyes for a few moments until the door on the passenger side opened and Jonathan climbed back into the car. “Mom, you know I can drive, too?”, he asked as he saw his mother like that, but she only shook her head. “No, I’m fine. Just enjoy your… meal.”  
She took a look at the sandwiches Jonathan had bought. The salad certainly wasn’t fresh anymore, the butter melted in the sun and almost showed off just how much fat it contained. _Ugh._ The small amount of appetite Joyce had felt before certainly wasn’t there anymore. She wondered, once again, that if you felt shitty, everything else, for example the sandwiches from a gas station, would become shittier too, and if bad things happened to you more often. Sometimes, it seemed like it.  
Sighing, she started the car and drove back onto the street, continuing their way to Hawkins. Four and a half hours later, they passed the sign signalling them that they were in Hawkins now, the friendly words seeming weirdly hostile and somehow mocking, considering what had happened in this town over the last few years. _Welcome to Hawkins_ was written on the brown background.  
_Yeah, yeah, fuck you too, shithole._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving in Hawkins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what, I finally managed to finish the next chapter. Sorry this was taking to long, but I was busy during the last weeks and also had to suffer from a massive writer's block, so I couldn't go on with writing. I'll try to keep my schedule from now on, but I can't promise anything :)

It was already going dark when they pulled up in the Wheeler’s driveway. She didn’t exactly know what she expected, but nothing had changed. The Wheeler’s house looked exactly the same, with Mike’s bike standing in front, and the grass perfectly cut. White fence, curtains at every window, letting in just the right amount of sunlight. Brown and orange leaves decorated the street and the grass like small, colourful sparks. Nothing had changed. It almost seemed like nothing had happened in this town, no alternate dimensions, no evil Russians, and to be honest, it made Joyce mad. Her family had suffered so much, went through so much trauma, but the town seemed to forget like it was nothing. A blessing her and her family would never get, acting like nothing ever happened.  
Who knows, maybe time has just stopped in Hawkins. Looking at the streets of this town, it seriously felt like Hawkins just lost its aging without any of the residents noticing. Stranger things have happened here, by now Joyce was convinced everything was possible here.  


They got out of the car. Karen was standing at the front door already, Holly, Nancy and Mike behind her. They all smiled brightly, and their eyes glowed with joy. Mike and Nancy immediately ran past their mother towards Jonathan, Will and El, Nancy hugging Jonathan with such force that he stumbled backwards a bit, laughing, and Mike hugged El and Will both at once, all of them with tears of joy in their eyes. Between laughter and tears of happiness from Will they exchanged whispers like “I’ve missed you so much”, “It was horrible without you”, “The party wasn’t the same without you”. Joyce cringed at the sight of them. She was the reason why they had missed each other so much, for their suffering… Another painful stab in her chest (at this point she almost longed for the day when numbness would take over; she knew this day would come, considering her current well-being).  
She ripped her gaze away from the kids and looked at Karen instead.  
“Hey! It’s good to have you back.”, Karen said, this perfect smile plastered on her face (the same smile as in her dream last night) as she hugged Joyce, who returned the hug half-heartedly.  
“Hi Karen.” Her words came out more like a sigh. They have been here for not even five minutes and Joyce already felt that familiar little tingle below her ribs, making her whole stomach hurt. She felt weirdly alerted, like anything could happen any second, but at the same time it had such a nostalgic touch, it felt so familiar and somehow, for some fucking stupid reason that she just couldn’t explain herself, right and it made her so sick, it drove her crazy so that she wanted to scream. Her head was spinning from the emotions she felt all at once.  
“Do you need help with your suitcases?”, Karen asked, still smiling. _Perfect host, polite and flawless as always._  
“Uh, no, we don’t have that much.” Joyce turned around to pull the two bags out of the car, the kids still too busy with hugging and kissing each other. Joyce would have felt awkward and lonely, standing next to the couples, but she was used to being the single of the group. She turned around and held up the bags, showing that it really wasn’t much. Karen nodded and turned towards the teens. “Guys come on, let’s go inside. It’s cold out here.”  
Still chattering and laughing, the five younger ones headed towards the house, Karen following them. Joyce took a moment to look at the sky, darkness had almost defeated the daylight. The rustling of the leaves and the cold smell of the air, which she used to love so much, made her heart beat faster now. It felt like something was about to happen, something bad. _Demodogs, the Demogorgon, the Mindflayer, …_ She took a deep breath. No, nothing would happen. They would just celebrate Thanksgiving here. That was it. Just celebrate Thanksgiving. Picking up the bags, she looked towards the house and let out a sigh. _Okay, let’s do this._

Inside, the happy chattering and talking of the teens didn’t die down. The teens simply decided to include Joyce, Karen and Holly into their reunion, doing so with a quick hug or wave for everyone, obviously feeling a bit embarrassed because of their emotional outburst before (not that Joyce could blame them). Will and El quickly went with Mike up to his room with the bag they shared, and Nancy and Jonathan also vanished into Nancy’s room after a brief chat with their mothers.  
So, about ten minutes after their arrival, Joyce and Karen ended up in the kitchen, just the two of them, Holly, and two cups of coffee.  
“I’m really glad that you managed to come here so spontaneously. Sorry that I didn’t manage to tell you earlier.”, Karen said while sitting down across from Joyce.  
“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind making spontaneous decisions.”  
Karen nodded and took a sip from her coffee. “It’s really nice that we can celebrate Thanksgiving together this year. I guess it’s the best for the kids, they’ve really missed each other.”  
“Yeah… I know.” Oh, and how well she knew. “So, what was that “important issue” which kept you here?”  
Suddenly, Karen smirked, biting her lower lip. “I, uh… finally found the courage to call it a day. I’m leaving Ted. We’re stuck in the middle of the divorce right now. That’s why I didn’t exactly want to leave, we still have a couple of things to sort out…” Joyce stared at her like a deer in headlights. Karen Wheeler, who was so determined to play happy family with Ted back then after Highschool, and who Joyce would’ve never expected to purposefully destroy the picture of her perfect family, was divorcing her husband?  
Karen laughed a bit at Joyce’s startled expression. “I always knew that Ted and I didn’t fit, and it just couldn’t work, but my family put such pressure on me back then that I believed I had to get married and have children… But I realised how stupid that was, and I’ve had enough. I saw that it works, you know. Other women divorced their husbands, and they managed to get through life on their own too. I know I’ll have to leave my comfort zone, but I know it’s going to be worth it.”  
“Wow, Karen, I- I don’t know what to say. I’m happy for you, I guess. I mean, if it’s that what you want.”  
“It is.” She chuckled. “Guess we’re the single-mom-duo now, huh?”  
Joyce smiled lightly. “Yeah… Seems like it.”  
Karen got up and got two glasses and a bottle of wine from the kitchen, pouring the wine into the glasses and handing one of them to Joyce. “To getting through stuff on our own.”  
They shared a laugh and clinked glasses. Somewhere in the back of her head, Joyce pointed out the fact that Karen’s and her divorce were probably two different pair of shoes after all, but she didn’t say it. She didn’t want to destroy Karen’s self-confidence about the issue, and she enjoyed the casual mood of the conversation. It kept her thoughts from going back into this pool of guilt and shame, and distracted her a bit from her constant anxiety. 

A few minutes and some more light conversation later, Will, Mike and El wandered into the kitchen, announcing that they’d go to see the rest of the party. Joyce still felt a small spark of worry in her chest at the thought of letting Will go out at night, but he was with his friends and they wouldn’t leave his side, so she let him go. They heard the teens putting on their jackets, then the front door slam shut and they were alone again.  
“I guess Nancy and Jonathan want to do something for themselves, so… it’s just us.”, Karen said quietly. “We could just order some pizza and settle on the couch with some wine, I’m not really in the mood to cook something right now.” Joyce shrugged. “Sounds good.”  
Karen nodded and walked back into the kitchen to order the pizza while Joyce grabbed the two glasses and the wine from before and sat down on the couch in the living room. About thirty minutes later, the pizza arrived, and they enjoyed their meal on the couch with wine for each of them and some talk show flickering on TV in the background. The light conversation from before kept going, and Joyce found herself talking to Karen with ease and comfort, no sign of awkwardness or discomfort in her words and expressions. She noticed that Karen, in spite of her age and twenty years of playing a responsible suburban mom, hasn’t really changed at all. She still had her self-confidence and courage, her sense of humour and her way of seeing everything with a relaxed casualty, and Joyce realised how much she had missed her Highschool- best friend over the past years. Maybe, she hoped, Thanksgiving in Hawkins wouldn’t end up as horrible as she thought before. 

Her hopeful and somewhat great mood from the previous evening was gone the next morning when Joyce woke up with a pounding headache on the couch. Karen had suggested that she could sleep in her bed, since Ted was with his parents to avoid the pre-divorce tension at home (Karen had complained about his absence over the last evening when both her and Joyce had had a few more glasses of wine), but Joyce had thankfully said no. She didn’t want to wake Karen with nightmares or something similar, so she went for the couch. She had dozed off into a slumber not long before sunrise (she was surprised she even found some kind of sleep this night), but now she was ripped from her sleep by a sharp pain behind her eyes. Groaning, she sat up and her vision became blurry and her head heavy on an instant. Her limbs ached, and heat radiated through her entire body in waves. If it was only the headache and heavy limbs, she’d blame yesterday’s alcohol, but this felt different than a hangover. It was a fever, she knew it. _Shit._ She just wanted to lay down again and close her eyes a bit as she suddenly felt nauseous and like a heavy stone was laying in her stomach. Pressing her hand to her mouth, she got up quickly and ran towards the bathroom, ignoring the way her world swirled around her. She would definitely not puke into Karen Wheeler’s living room! She closed the bathroom door behind her and leaned over the toilet, right in time for her nausea to take over. With her vision still blurry and her arms and legs wobbly, she tried her best to pull her hair out of her face with one hand. She stayed in this position until she was sure it was over and everything was out of her, then she flushed the toilet and sat down on the floor with her eyes closed, leaned against the wall and with her head in her hands.  
_Why did this have to happen on Thanksgiving? This town really is cursed!_

_No, this wasn’t because of Hawkins._

_It was because she spent the whole last morning from around 4 till 7 am smoking outside in the cold. God, she should’ve considered the consequences earlier._

With a heavy sigh she got up and held onto the sink to not fall over. Looking into the mirror, she realised how damn pale she was, and that she had dark circles under her eyes. This wasn’t an unusual condition over the last few months though, but it’s never been that bad. She let out a long breath and closed her eyes, then she unlocked the door and stepped into the hallway. Suddenly, she heard noises from the kitchen; the other’s voices and laughter. It didn’t take long until El spotted her, and a second later she found herself wrapped up in the girl’s hug, her head tucked under Joyce’s chin.  
“Happy Thanksgiving.”, the younger girl mumbled before letting go and walking over to the table, sitting down next to her friends and stepbrothers (well, unofficial stepbrothers, but anyway).  
Joyce managed a tired smile at her younger girl’s energy, then she fully stepped into the kitchen where Karen greeted her with a smile, already completely dressed and styled. Joyce suddenly felt ugly next to her in her baggy shirt and pajama pants. “Hey, good morning.”, Karen said before handing her a mug with coffee. Joyce gratefully accepted it, mumbling a quiet “mornin’”. While she started drinking, she could feel Karen’s gaze on her.  
“Is everything okay?”, the blonde asked, eyeing her with worry.  
“Hm? Oh, yeah. Just a small cold, nothing big.”  
_You were literally puking in the bathroom two minutes ago, Joyce,_  
“Oh, what from?”  
“Dunno.” _Yes, you do, from smoking in the cold for fucking three hours straight._ “Guess it’s the time of the year for colds.”  
Karen shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. Would you rather want tea instead of coffee? And are you okay with pancakes for breakfast?”  
“No, coffee is fine. And pancakes too.”

So, being sick on Thanksgiving was new, and it certainly was something she didn’t necessarily need to experience. Actually, she loved the holiday, in spite of her Jewish identity she had always celebrated it for American tradition’s sake, and she always enjoyed everything about it. The rainy or cloudy weather, the fall vibes, and the coming together of all her loved ones was something she had always appreciated and loved, and she also did this year, but with a foggy mind, heat radiating inside her, making her insides burn, and a running nose. The feast Karen had prepared was delicious (of course it was, Karen had always been a great cook), but Joyce could barely eat any of it, the feeling of nausea and fullness immediately coming back after just one bite. She desperately wanted to lay down and take a nap, but she couldn’t do that.  
She was sitting at the table, the happy chattering of the others faded out for her, and actually just there as a physical presence. Her mind was foggy because of her sickness, and she felt like she might fall asleep any second (probably looked like it too). She got pulled back into reality by Will, who held one end of a wishbone towards her.  
“Wishbone!”, he chirped, a joyful sparkle in his eyes and a bright smile on his face. Joyce smiled and grabbed the bone, cracking it and holding the bigger part in her hand.  
“Make a wish!”, Will said, still smiling brightly (he was in the best mood since a really long time, and somewhere in Joyce’s by sickness numbed body it hurt to know that he was kept from this happiness by her, because of… well, because of what probably?) There were a million things Joyce could’ve wished for, but right now she just wanted one thing: _sleep._

Some small part of her was really sad that she wasn’t able to properly celebrate Thanksgiving with the others. It was much fun; she knew that for sure. The boardgames that were played after the meal caused a lot of laughter and great mood, and she would’ve loved to participate, but she knew that she was too exhausted by her fever and that it wouldn’t make sense to even start playing because she would doze off in the middle of the game. So, she decided to just watch and kept sitting on her chair at the table (again just as a physical presence). When the others were about to start their trip to the Sinclair’s and Henderson’s (a Thanksgiving tradition the Wheelers had established a few years ago), Joyce excused herself and stayed at home, saying that she wasn’t feeling well. The others understood, and Karen even offered Joyce her bed to lay down a bit. Normally, Joyce would’ve said no, but she longed for a real bed, not just a couch, so bad that she gratefully accepted the offer and found herself falling into a deep sleep, her exhaustion from the sickness and the previous days letting her fall asleep within minutes.  


When she woke up, the sun was peeking through the curtains, blending her as she opened her eyes. She blinked and turned around, taking in her surroundings. It took her a moment until she realised that she was in Karen’s bedroom. Carefully, she pushed herself up in a sitting position. She felt a lot better, normal actually, but the heat she felt around her nose and deep down in her bones told her that her body tricked her, and that it would probably knock her off her feet if she stood up too quickly. She yawned and rubbed her eyes sleepily. How long did she sleep? The sun was still shining, so it couldn’t have been so long.  
A glance at the clock proved her wrong: it was 9:15 am. She’d slept the entire night. She turned red. Obviously being the weak and sick one in front of others was something she’d always hated. Speaking of the others, she wondered where they were. The had planned to drive back home today, so they should probably be up by now. Slowly, to not overwhelm her body, she got up and walked out of the door, straightening her skirt she was still wearing because of yesterday. In the kitchen, she found her family and the Wheelers sitting around the table, the joyful mood from the day before nowhere to be seen, and Joyce’s heart hurt when she noticed that. She had caused her children so much pain… Jonathan’s face lit up a bit as he spotted his mother entering the room. “Morning mom. Are you feeling any better?”  
She nodded. “Yeah, thank you.” Her voice sounded hoarse and shaky, but better than yesterday.  
“I made you some tea. Seems like the “small cold” wasn’t so small at all, huh?”, Karen said while getting up and pouring the tea into a cup.  
“Maybe. But you could’ve woken me up!”  
“No, I didn’t want to. You were sleeping so peacefully and it seemed like you could really use a good portion of sleep.”  
“Where did you sleep?”  
“Uh, next to you… Hope you don’t mind.”  
Joyce’s eyes went wide. “What if I infected you?”  
“Don’t worry about me. Seriously, it’s okay. Come on, sit down, you don’t have to stand in the door and watch us eat.”  
She pointed to the chair next to her, and Joyce sat down, forcing herself to eat at least a little bit for breakfast. 

About two hours later, the Byers family was ready to leave. After breakfast, they’d packed the remaining things and changed their clothes, and then it was time to say goodbye. Joyce actually wanted to drive back home, but Jonathan had strictly said no, claiming that she was too sick to drive and that he’d drive them back to Pennsylvania. So, Joyce found herself on the passenger seat of her car, after hugging Karen, Mike and Nancy goodbye, waiting for El, Will and Jonathan to join her. She was happy to go back home, actually, but, of course, her happiness was shadowed by her nagging guilt. It didn’t escape her notice that silent tears ran down Will’s cheeks as they pulled out of Hawkins, even though he knew it was only about one month until they would meet again on Christmas, and Joyce found herself biting her lower lip on the whole way back, resisting the urge to cry too. Not because she was sad about leaving Hawkins, of course not, but because she felt incredibly sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some changes in the plan with Christmas, and a bit of Joyce and Jonathan content because damn they're underrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's also a bit short (and kinda trashy lol) sorry :))

**December 1985**

Joyce was sick for almost two weeks. She spent four days after they got back home in bed, barely able to stand up. The next five days she was able to walk around and eat normally, but was still sick nonetheless. It pissed her off a lot, since money was still short and she had always been a hard worker who constantly needed something to do. This could mainly be because life had forced her to be like that, but that didn’t change anything, she hated sitting around with nothing to do for too long. What annoyed her even more was her children’s overprotectiveness, especially Jonathan’s, who decided to stay a few days longer until she felt better. She knew that she actually was a hypocrite for saying this, she was very much aware that she fell into the category “overprotective” too and that she was probably the person Jonathan picked it up from, but it still brought her to the edge of aggression sometimes when her oldest son kept, no, _forbid_ her to do anything around the house with the reason that _she was still sick and he didn’t want the fever to become worse_ , even after two days of her feeling a lot better.  
After one week of being back home, she ordered Jonathan gently but firmly to go back to New York and that she could manage things on her own with El and Will here. Jonathan wasn’t exactly happy about it, but they made a deal that Joyce would call him whenever something was wrong (she wouldn’t call, she already knew that, but she promised anyway to comfort her son) and with this deal in mind Jonathan finally left and went back to New York.  
After three more days, she felt good enough to call herself “healthy” again, and to get back into her regular everyday life. She found herself enjoying the rest of the fall and the first weeks of winter, with snow reaching her knees already three weeks before Christmas. She loved this time of the year. In spite of all the trauma that happened during these months over the last years, she couldn’t help but love the cold seasons so much more than the warm ones. They were just more calming to her.  
El and Will seemed to enjoy the pre-Christmas weeks to, not only because the day where they would see their friends again was coming closer. After all, they still hated it in Pennsylvania, and the situation with making new friends was still unchanged: they failed, still haven’t found one real friend. Joyce knew very well how this felt; she has spent a big part of her life in loneliness too, and to be honest, she longed for the day where the rest of the party would come here too, only to see her kids smiling and happy again. 

A week before Christmas, the phone rang one afternoon. Joyce just wanted to get up and get it, but El was there first and picked up. “Hello?”, she said in her quiet, calm voice. She listened to the other person, then her face lit up. “Hi, Mrs. Wheeler!” She was quiet again, listening. Then, suddenly, she put the phone down, covered the speaker with her hand, and turned her head towards the table in the kitchen where Joyce was sitting, watching her making the phone call. “She wants to talk to you.”, El said, and Joyce quickly got up and took the phone out of the girl’s hand.  
“Hello?”, she said into the speaker and couldn’t help but smile brightly when she heard Karen’s voice at the other end. She had to admit that she missed the other woman like hell, missed talking to her, having a friend. “Hey. What’s up?” “It’s because of Christmas. The kids have talked about it apparently, and came to the conclusion that it would make a lot more sense if you came here, to Hawkins, since they would have to travel all the way up to you, even though they’re more people and they all live here. They say it would just be unnecessary effort, and I honestly have to agree. What do you think?”  
Joyce sighed and closed her eyes, thinking. She didn’t want to. Of course not. Her anxiety has been bad last time, in spite of enjoying Karen’s company and being numbed by sickness. On the other hand, Karen was right. It would make a lot more sense if they just drove back to Hawkins. “Yes. You’re right. It makes more sense.”, she said after a short break. “So, we’re coming on the 23rd, or 24th?”  
“That’s up to you.”  
Joyce looked over to El, who, judging by her excited and hopeful look, already knew what the conversation was about. She sighed again. “I think 23rd would be fine. I mean, I don’t want the kids to have to wait much longer, even though it’s only one day…” “Yeah, me too. Alright, so it’s the 23rd. Mike also mentioned something about celebrating New Year’s Eve together, so you could just stay with us during those ten days.”  
Joyce frowned. Ten days. That was still a lot more than last time. She swallowed, unable to keep her anxiety at bay. “Why am I just hearing about this now?”, she asked, chuckling to cover the shaking of her voice. “Don’t worry, I heard about this for the first time five minutes ago. So, you in? It would be fine by me.”  
Joyce panicked. She still wasn’t sure. “What about Ted?” Inside, she kicked herself. Ted, Karen never cared about Ted in situations like this because he didn’t care either. It was obvious that she just tried to get more time to think. Karen didn’t seem to bother. Instead, she just laughed. “Uhm, I don’t think we have to worry about him anymore… We moved out shortly after Thanksgiving. I found a nice apartment just two days after you left, and I bought it soon after since the tension at home because unsustainable. I think Mike already gave the address to El and Will, but I can give it to you too if you want.”  
“No, it’s fine, I’ll just ask Will. God, I miss so much... I have to interview El and Will more often.”, she said with a little laugh. But she didn’t admit how much it upset her that she literally knew nothing while her kids seemed to know everything. Her stomach twisted as she realised that her kids managed to stay in contact with each other so well, but she had the attention span of an ant.  
At the other end of the line, Karen laughed too. “Yes, the last weeks were wild.”  
“I can imagine. Is there something I could help you with? I mean, when we get to you?”  
“Oh, no, thanks, it’s fine.”  
“Okay. And we could really stay for ten days?”  
“Absolutely. Will and El can sleep in Mike’s room, and Jonathan in Nancy’s. It’s more a guest room, since Nancy is off to NYU most of the time, but that’s going to be fine. You can sleep on the couch… Or in my room, since we’ve already done that on Thanksgiving anyway. And back in the days, too many times to count back then.”  
Joyce could practically hear Karen’s smile, and she couldn’t help but grin too. She didn’t remember sleeping in one bed with Karen in November, but it obviously went well back then and the thought of sharing a bed with the other woman didn’t really bother her, since they’ve shared a bed up to three times a week back in Highschool when they were too drunk after a party and didn’t care about the place where each of them slept anymore. “Okay, sure. Well, see you in a week then.” “Yes, see you. Bye.”  
“Bye.” She hung up.  
El looked at her with an excited expression. “What did she say?”  
“Guess we’re going to spend the holidays and the week until New Year’s Eve in Hawkins.”  
El’s smile grew wide, and she threw her arms around Joyce’s waist. “Yes! Ten days!”  
She released Joyce from her hug and ran towards the bedrooms, probably to tell Will. Joyce sighed and headed towards the kitchen once again, attempting to make dinner while wondering why the hell she always said yes to such things. 

Jonathan arrived later this evening, just as dinner was ready. He was greeted by El and Will with a hug and a kiss on his cheek from his mother. He quickly brought all his stuff into the house and hung up his jacket, then he helped his siblings setting up the table. Meanwhile, they were talking about random stuff, like what Jonathan had learned during the last weeks, what was going on in school for El and Will; the usual stuff. Joyce listened to her son and nodded once in a while, showing her interest, but said nothing, leaving the questions to El and Will. Since the phone call with Karen, an unpleasant feeling had settled in her stomach. It also was anxiety, she knew that, but also something else… Excitement? Anticipation? About what? Going back to this horrible place that used to her home? She couldn’t quite explain her feelings, what drove her even more crazy.  
Diving in her thoughts, Joyce lost her focus on the conversation, and only got pulled back by Jonathan directing his words at her: “We’re going back to Hawkins for ten days?”  
Joyce lifted her head. Three pair of eyes stared at her, and she nodded slowly. “Yeah. It’s not that complicated for the rest if we just go there.”  
El and Will didn’t care any further, but Joyce could feel Jonathan’s gaze on her during the entire time while they were eating, his expression indefinable.  
After dinner, as El and Will had already settled down in the living room to watch TV, Jonathan helped his mother with the dishes. She could still feel his eyes on her, and it started to annoy her. “Could you please tell me why you keep staring at me like that?” “Why did you agree to go to Hawkins?”  
Now it was her time to stare. “What?”  
“Come on mom, I know you don’t want to go back.”  
Joyce sighed and put the plate she was just cleaning back into the sink filled with water, closing her eyes. The same thing she asked herself all evening already. “I- I don’t know. I guess because of El, Will and you. I know you were happier back then.” “Well, yeah, we were, but you still didn’t have to agree. It would’ve been okay, I don’t think Mrs. Wheeler would’ve had a problem with that.”  
“I know, but…” She struggled to find words. “I feel like I messed it up.” She looked at her oldest son, who was looking back at her with a questioning expression. “You were unhappy when we moved, El and Will still suffer from the consequences. I see them like that every day, and knowing that it is my fault, because I came up with this plan and just did it without asking for your opinions… destroys me.” Tears shot into her eyes, and she had to look away. Jonathan had always been her rock, her anchor, yet she hated crying in front of him. “And you’re right, I don’t exactly want to go back, but nothing is going to be different if we stay here. Here, I’m as unhappy and torn apart as back in Hawkins, so are your siblings and you too, even though you’re off to New York most of the time. I don’t know what came to my mind back then, all I know is that I made a stupid fucking mistake. Of course, I might feel alerted in Hawkins, like something will happen to you any second, but therefore I feel like crying every time I see you so sad here, and I feel even more guilty. Seeing you so happy on Thanksgiving made me happier too, but on the other hand it killed me because I should’ve never forced you to leave Hawkins. It was so unfair, because the only one who seemed to have such a huge problem with this town was me and my stupid anxious brain.” She choked on her words, tears starting to run down her cheeks, she couldn’t hold them back anymore. “I am so sorry Jonathan. I really am. I was a horrible mother.”   
Not even a second after the said those words, she found herself in Jonathan’s hug, and buried her face in the soft fabric of his sweater, tears continuing to flow down her cheeks. This was the first time she has ever told anyone about those feelings she felt since they moved here, and she figured that she should’ve done that much earlier.  
“Don’t say that, mom. There wasn’t even one time when you were a bad mother to Will, El or me. Yeah, you made a mistake, but your reasons were relatable. No one judges you for it, especially not us. I love you, and so do El and Will.” He paused a second, letting her process his words. “And I understand why you want to go back now; you feel guilty, but still, this is also about you. I know how much you hated it in Hawkins, and how on edge it kept you. Yes, on edge.”, he added as she made a disapproving noise. “Is it really so much better in Hawkins?”  
She hesitated a second, then she shook her head. “But it feels better than here.”  
“Does it?”  
She looked at him, chewing on her lower lip. Did it? _Her kids were happy. Everything was familiar back there; she’s known it like that all her life. She had Karen; someone she would consider as a friend. On the other hand,..._ “No. But what’s anxiety there, is replaced by guilt here. And since you are happier in Hawkins, it’s just logical that it’s the better option, considering our entire family. And I won’t make another decision just paying attention to my feelings, because you see how this ended up last time.” She pulled away from Jonathan, sniffling and wiping her eyes with her sleeves. “We’re going back to Hawkins for Christmas.”  
And with that, she returned to the dirty dishes still laying in the sink and the topic was solved.  
Jonathan sighed. But deep down, he admired his mother’s selflessness. It was something he’s always loved her for. 

**December 23rd**

Okay, maybe Joyce had lied a little bit. It wasn’t just anxiety that she felt in Hawkins. Maybe she had lied about it because she herself also didn’t know that this would happen, but as soon as she saw Karen again, it hit her like a train: joy. Excitement. _Happiness._ She had to keep herself from running to the other woman and pulling her into a tight hug like a teenager, and a wide smile, a real one, made out of 100% pure organic happiness, was plastered on her face while the two families greeted each other what felt like ages.  
Joyce didn’t know what this feeling was, or more what was the reason for it. Sure, Karen, she was happy to see her again, but she’s never felt like this when she saw her ever before. Maybe it was because she had developed a deep affection towards Karen through the conversations they had on Thanksgiving, maybe she’s just missed having a person her age around her who she could easily talk to and who she knew she could trust.  
No matter what it was, this was the feeling of seeing a person who means a lot to you again, and it felt wonderful. She hasn’t felt it in ages; everyone who meant something to her has always been around her, and she could suddenly relate more and more to the teenager’s happy outburst last time they saw each other.  
This time, Joyce wasn’t the one who was standing awkwardly next to the hugging and kissing couples, sunk in her thoughts, but she was hugging Karen tightly, mumbling her hello’s, laughing. Her eyes were glowing, and her hands trembling in excitement. _God, what’s happening to me?_  
They carried their suitcases inside, and Karen showed them around in their small apartment. It was even smaller than the Byers’ old house in Hawkins, but it was big enough for a recently divorced mother and her two children, a third coming over every few months. It also was very comfortable and clean, Karen’s perfectionism in decoration and order clearly showing off (something Joyce never really had, what was probably the reason for their house’s eventual shabby look). As agreed, Jonathan slept in Nancy’s room with Nancy, while El and Will shared the room with Mike and Joyce slept in Karen’s bedroom.  
“So, ready for Christmas Eve tomorrow?”, Karen asked Joyce with a grin as she joined her in the living room a few minutes later.  
Joyce let out a small laugh. “Ready? For another day full of over-excited kids? Absolutely.”  
Karen laughed at that. “I don’t even remember a time when I was so excited over Christmas. I think my excitement slowly shrunk to a regular level when I was around 13 or 14 or something…”  
“Yeah, maybe it’s not going to be that much tomorrow… Although it was kind of cute to have bouncy and happy little kids all around you on Christmas. Exhausting, but cute.”  
“Yeah, well, at some point. But having them sleepless and chattering in their room the entire night before was rather annoying than cute.”  
“True. Especially since the volume of kids’ talking isn’t exactly quiet.”  
Karen agreed laughing, remembering several of said moments from her almost 19 years of being a mother now. To be honest, both mothers kind of missed the time when their kids were still real _kids_ , not teenagers already halfway into puberty. Joyce sat down next to Karen on the couch, after a few moments she found her gaze drifting off to the snowflakes falling from the dark night sky outside. It made her wonder a bit, but for some reason she felt incredibly calm. Her kids were safe, all three of them with their friends in their rooms, and everything was completely fine. Christmas songs were quietly playing on the radio, and the lights on the Christmas tree and everywhere else in the small living room coloured everything with a dim light. Joyce had always loved Christmas lights and the holiday in general, a trait she’s also passed on to Will. It was, in fact, the best time of the year. It’s never had a religious background to Joyce, neither a Jewish nor a Christian one, it was just Christmas. With presents, great food, her loved ones, and pretty decoration.  
“Any wishes for dinner today?”, Karen asked, ripping Joyce out of her thoughts.  
“Uh, I don’t know. Anything would be fine, I guess.”  
Karen nodded and wiped a loose strand of hair that’s fallen out of her high ponytail out of her face. She looked really pretty in the dim light; her facial features highlighted just in the right way to show off her perfect cheekbones and gentle curve of her nose, and her ponytail looking all puffy and soft. Joyce frowned a bit. Why the hell did she notice that?  
“You in for spaghetti? I’m kinda in the mood for pasta right now, and I’m sure the kids will like it too.”  
Joyce shrugged. “Sure. You need help with anything?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas in Hawkins, with a few gay outbursts here and there. Joyce makes a discovery and comes to a conclusion which she isn't exactly a huge fan of.  
> Also, a little bit of Jancy content because I love them.  
> IT'S GONNA BE GAY
> 
> The opening scene was inspired by "watch you sleep" by girl in red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooof I am truly so sorry for not uploading for so long, but I had a few health issues that needed to be solved first (damn that sounds way too dramatic, please don't worry about me it wasn't that bad lol).  
> I decided to give up on my schedule since I can't keep it up anyway lol. I'll just upload a new chapter as soon as it's finished.
> 
> Now, enjoy! With this chapter, the part of the fanfic I'll really enjoy writing begins, cause from now we'll finally have all the Kayce content I wanted to put in here :))  
> (for those who don't know, I think "Joyren" is a shitty ass shipname lmao, so I decided to make "Kayce" out of it since it sounds better in my opinion.)

**Christmas 1985**

When Joyce opened her eyes on the next morning, it was barely 8 am. The apartment was still quiet, everyone was still asleep except her. Karen was also still caught in a deep slumber, the bun on her head slowly dissolving itself so that her blonde hair was sprawled on the pillow. Joyce noticed how beautiful she looked, just like last evening. The early morning sun peeking through the curtains shined on Karen’s face who had a gentle smile on her lips due to the warmth. Her chest slowly moved up and down with every breath she took, and Joyce could’ve stayed here, staring at her, for hours.  
Nevertheless, she ripped her gaze away from the sleeping woman next to her, as she realised how creepy this actually was. Staring at your friend while she was asleep? Not exactly something you could consider as normal. But what if this friend was just too admirable and beautiful to keep your eyes away?  
Joyce sighed quietly and laid down on her back again, facing the ceiling. Karen had something about her that Joyce couldn’t exactly define, but what got her into some kind of trance every time. Once again, it was a feeling she couldn’t exactly name, and god, she hated those feelings. She thought that it was just very deep affection towards a friend, plus the fact that this friend was one of the most beautiful people she’s ever seen. Then, it was possible to feel breathless and hypnotized whenever she saw that friend. Right? Right.  


After laying there for like 15 minutes and slowly getting bored, Joyce decided to get up and make something to eat, since it couldn’t be long until the others woke up anyway. As quiet as possible, she got up and walked out of the bedroom, not without shooting one last look towards Karen. _How was it possible to be as pretty as this woman?_  
Quietly closing the bedroom door behind her, she started to walk towards the living room and kitchen. The living room was almost shining in the sun, the snow outside reflecting the light, making everything seem to be 100 times brighter. Joyce put on some coffee, and while she was waiting, she lit a cigarette and swept her gaze over the early-morning Hawkins she could see from the big windows. It looked so peaceful under the thick layer of snow; it was hard to believe how many disasters had happened here over the past years. Well, some of Hawkins’ residents didn’t even know, or care. For them, this was just a peaceful morning on Christmas Eve. They didn’t bother about everything that’s happened here. Of course, a government conspiracy, mysterious deaths, a corrupt mayor… all this was crazy, but oh well, shit happens, most of the residents told themselves, and that was it. Again, it had Joyce furious that her family seemed to be the only one who had to suffer so incredibly much, and that the true reasons for that, what really happened to Will while he was “lost in the woods”, what really caused the mysterious deaths, what the Russians were really trying to do under the mall, were all covered up with a fucking chemical leak or shit like this. Sure, Joyce understood that they couldn’t just tell the entire town about the Upside Down and all this, but still. Everyone made sure the scandalous truth was covered, and no one cared about what happened to those who stood face to face with hell back then. Joyce wished to be one of the residents who didn’t know. Of course, she would’ve been lied to, and she hated being lied to, but she would do anything to be able to look out of the window right now and just see a small, American town on a December morning, not a place full of lies, conspiracies, corruption and potential dangers.  


The coffee was ready, and she poured some of it into a cup, then she began searching for the ingredients for pancakes, still deep in thoughts.  
Hawkins confused her over and over again. She was on edge, upset, and the normalcy here, the non-existent changes, made her feel like she was trying to scream under water; she tried and tried but no one heard or noticed. She didn’t know what she had expected. That the town was laying in ruins? That there were shops who sold anti-demodog-spray? She knew thinking that anything had changed at all was foolish. But again, it made her feel like an outcast. She had a problem with this town and thought a Demogorgon would come around the corner and kill her family any second, while everyone else was able to go shopping or eat ice cream like a normal person. She longed for someone who wasn’t part of her family and who knew how it felt; what she’s been through. For someone who she could call at 2 am after a nightmare, and who would come over and hold her until she’s eventually fallen asleep again. But those people, _this person_ , was gone, and moving to another city didn’t bring them _(him)_ back.  


Putting the ingredients for the pancakes into a bowl, she sighed quietly and concentrated on making sure the dough had the perfect consistence, trying to not fall into this swirl of thoughts all over again. Last evening, she had managed to get free of it, she still didn’t know how exactly, but she did, and damn it felt so good. It’s been a few hours where she finally was able to really breathe again, without the feeling of someone pressing down on her chest. Just as she was about to put the dough for the first pancake into the pan, she heard how someone walked down the hall and entered the living room. The fact that she couldn’t figure out who it was because El’s and Will’s, as well as their friend’s, steps sounded more mature every day, made her heart ache for a second.  
“What’re we having?”, Karen’s sleepy voice asked. Joyce couldn’t hide the smile that crept onto her lips.  
“Pancakes. Figured I wanted to help with something, since you let us stay here for so long.”  
Karen scoffed. “You know that’s absolutely not necessary.”  
“Yeah, I know.” Joyce kept frying the pancakes unbothered.  
Karen got a cup from the cupboard above her head, then Joyce felt how she put one arm around her waist to grab the coffee pot still standing next to the stove. Joyce’s breath hitched for a second. She felt something in her stomach, but this time, it sure as hell wasn’t anxiety.  
Karen didn’t seem to notice. Joyce watched her through an inconspicuous sideways glace as she poured coffee into her cup, added milk and one tea spoon of sugar, just like she used to, back then in school. It reminded Joyce of all the mornings after a heavy party when the two of them whether woke up at hers or at Karen’s and tried to get over their hangover with a whole lot of caffeine and milk before leaving for school. A wave of nostalgia overcame her as she took in her friend’s features. Karen’s hair wasn’t perfectly curled anymore as it used to, she wore it in its natural style now; straight and almost reaching her lower ribcage. She also didn’t wear any make-up, since it was still early in the morning, and Joyce had to admit that this natural, real Karen looked as beautiful to her as the perfectly styled and dressed Karen she used to know for many years. It showed that under this mask made out of make-up and flawless smiles, she still was a middle-aged mother of three kids, and that didn’t make her any less beautiful in Joyce’s opinion.  
She didn’t notice, neither did Karen, but she was standing there, a soft smile on her lips and the pancakes completely forgotten. Karen shined like an angel in the sun of the early morning, and Joyce almost felt nauseous from the fluttering tingle in her stomach. She forgot how to breathe; oxygen wasn’t necessary for her anymore all of a sudden. 

_Shit. Was she…?_

Frowning, she ripped herself out of that trance and focused on the pancakes once more. Suddenly, nervousness settled into her stomach, joining the butterflies.  
Was it possible, that…?

 _No!_ she told herself _I’m sure as hell not going to fall for Karen Wheeler!_

Not even ten minutes later, the two women and their peace were disturbed by their children walking into the kitchen, already happily chattering and obviously hyped for Christmas. Joyce had to smile at the childish excitement, she knew she’d miss this as soon as they grew out of it. Secretly, she hoped that they’d never completely lose it as many adults tended to. The beauty of Christmas was swallowed by stress and work for so many people, for Joyce herself too some time ago, and it broke her heart because Christmas truly was wonderful. She had a lot of hope in El though. The girl seemed to be excited by anything that seemed normal or like nothing special to everyone else, and Joyce was convinced that El would keep up her childish excitement over some things forever. Hopefully, Christmas was one of those things.

Breakfast went by fast. As soon as all the pancakes were gone, the final adjustments were made so that the Christmas spirit soon truly and fully came to every single one of them and wasn’t just a small, excited fire in their bellies. Mike turned on the radio in the kitchen, what resulted in Christmas songs being audible in the entire apartment. The rest of the day was spent with making the final decorations: putting up the mistletoe Nancy insisted to buy for fun, or hanging more lights all over the living room, what entertained especially El and Holly a lot. Jonathan was, as usual, taking photos of everything and everyone, wanting to create as many memories as possible, and Joyce was thankful for that. This truly was a memorable Christmas. It felt so normal, so real and good to Joyce to have those people around her; it felt like they were a huge patchwork family. A weird patchwork family with plenty of history and shared trauma of course, but a family nonetheless, and she finally felt whole. _Happiness._  
This was it. She felt truly, genuinely happy. It was odd to her that she felt like that here, in Hawkins, which she actually thought was the source of all her nightmares and fear. Maybe, she thought, it didn’t have anything to do with the town at all, but with the people. Here, right now, she had her family around her, and they weren’t sad, hollow ghosts like they used to be, but full of life, happiness and laughter. She had people around her who she’s known for such a long time and who she’s grown so close with due to so many shared, not necessarily happy, but still, memories.  
_Trust._  
And, of course, Karen. She couldn’t ignore the feelings she felt whenever she looked at the blonde. The constant need to walk over to her and wrap her arms around her waist, pull her closer, bury her face in the softness of the blonde hair, and-

_No! What am I thinking? I am not falling for Karen, like hell I’m not!_

At some point in the late afternoon, Karen, Nancy and Joyce ended up in the kitchen, preparing the meal for Christmas Eve. Well, most of it was actually already done due to Nancy and Karen spending a lot of time with preparing as much as possible before the Byers arrived the day before, but the mashed potatoes and the vegetables still needed to be done. The others had gathered in the living room to play some board game, laughter and giggles were audible occasionally.  
While Joyce was chopping the vegetables, Jonathan joined them in the kitchen and walked over to Nancy, wrapped his arms around her waist and said something inaudible for everyone but his girlfriend, what resulted in Nancy giggling and kissing him on the cheek. Karen and Joyce exchanged amused looks over their oldest children’s behaviour, who obviously forgot that their mothers were also present and very much aware of what was going on. Joyce has never been the type of mother who would’ve cringed at the sight of her kids acting all lovey-dokey with their boy- or girlfriend, or who scolded them for that.  
“Okay I’m done with the mashed potatoes”, Nancy said and freed herself from Jonathan’s hug to put the bowl down on the counter, “do you need my help with anything else or can I just join the others in the living room?” “No, you can go. Thank you, honey.”  
“No problem.”, she smiled, then she took Jonathan’s hand and let him lead her back into the living room.  
“They really did find their true love in one another, huh?”, Karen said quietly, still a light smile on her beautiful face.  
Joyce chuckled. “Seems like it, yeah.”  
“I’m glad that they all seem to be so happy. Even though this year’s Christmas is a bit unusual.”  
“When has something been usual in our lives the last time?”, Joyce asked, and wanted to take her words back immediately. How much did Karen know? A cold feeling resulted inside her as she realised that she wasn’t sure if Karen even knew what was going on during those last years, what happened to her very own children.  
But Karen just laughed. “Well, you’re right about that.” Putting the cooked vegetables into a bowl, she continued talking: “You know, I’m happier like that, too.”  
“You don’t miss Ted at all?”  
Karen scoffed. “No, not even a bit. I wouldn’t have needed him around on Christmas for many years already, only stayed with him for the kids, and, well, tradition.”, she shook her head at this, “I can’t quite believe I ever was that stupid.” “I’ve never cared for traditions, gave up on them very soon.”  
“Yeah, maybe I should’ve done that too. Because in the end, it didn’t change anything except that it put a lot of pressure on me. Toxic people stay judgemental and you can’t please them with what you do anyway, so why keep trying?” “I do the shit I like, and everyone who has a problem with that can fuck off.”, Joyce said, smiling as she quoted the motto the two of them lived by back in Highschool.  
Karen grinned. “Exactly. God, what happened? I was the one who came up with this, and now look at me. Have been playing the friendly housewife for almost 20 years, did you ever expect me to end up like that?”  
“Back in Highschool? No, absolutely not. But hey, at least we have our children out of those years.”  
“Yeah, you’re right. For nothing in this world I’d ever let them down, not even if I therefore could get those 20 years back.”  
“Me neither.”  
They kept looking at each other for a moment, a soft smile on their lips. On the one hand, it made Joyce sad to realise that both of them really wasted so many years, let their friendship down, their own dreams. But at the same time, she was happy to find out that her and her ex-best friend have been more similar over those years than both of them expected, in spite of the externally visible differences. Deep down, they’ve both done the same thing: wasted time on people and lives which they could’ve spent so much better.  
The ring of the oven which signalled them the turkey was ready ripped them out of their gaze. Karen hurried to get the food from the oven, while Joyce started to put the plates and bowls with several side dishes on the dining table.  
“Guys, I think dinner’s ready.”, she could hear Will saying from the living room, and a few seconds later six people gathered around the table, trying to get to their seat. El however walked over to Joyce first, wrapped her arms around her and whispered a quiet “Merry Christmas”. Joyce smiled and hugged the girl, touched by her gesture. El’s way of gesturing and acting was always so emotional, so intense, and that was something everyone adored about her. The girl loved hugs a lot, and to Joyce this was a little light in the world that often contained a lot of loneliness. 

Everything about the Christmas dinner was just perfect. The food, the atmosphere, the people. Candles lit up the room, as well as all the Christmas lights and the Christmas tree in the living room corner. The air was filled with several delicious scents, and laughter could be heard in the entire apartment, as well as joyful conversations and here and there a playful tease between Mike and Nancy. After dinner, the Wheelers introduced their own Christmas Eve tradition: watching Christmas movies. Immediately, a heated discussion came up about which movie they should watch, what resulted in a pile of four movies standing on the floor next to the TV. Nancy, Jonathan, Joyce and Karen decided to leave the decision to the younger ones, instead they started taking the dirty dishes and leftovers to the kitchen. “Guess coming back wasn’t that bad of a decision after all.”, Joyce heard Jonathan say to her quietly when Karen and Nancy didn’t listen.  
Joyce looked at her son and smiled. “See? Told you.”  
“You okay?”  
Joyce laughed quietly, then she put the plates into the sink and walked over to Jonathan to pull him into a hug. “Don’t worry about me, honey. I’m more than okay. I promise.” She could feel how Jonathan relaxed in her arms and wrapped his arms around her small frame.  
“Merry Christmas, mom.”, he mumbled.  
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

“Hey, Mike, wait!”  
Quick steps on wooden floor.  
“Ouch, Will!”  
Shuffling of several feet.  
“Wait, we have to wake up mom and Ms. Byers!”, Holly’s childish voice came up.  
“Sssh, okay, but don’t rush anything. Keep your excitement down, geez.”, an audibly stressed Nancy replied.

To this, Joyce woke up the next morning. Sleepily, she sat up and looked towards the door, where she could hear the others shuffling around. Next to her, Karen turned around in bed and opened her eyes, yawning. A small smirk came to Joyce’s lips. “What time is it?”, the blonde mumbled.  
“Uh, 8:13.”  
With a sigh, Karen let herself fall back into the pillows as the door opened and Holly stormed in, jumped onto the bed and screamed: “Get up, it’s Christmas!”  
Karen laughed at her daughter’s enthusiasm and pulled her into her arms. “I know, honey. Should we go and check if Santa was here?”  
Holly’s eyes lit up at that and she nodded hastily, before grabbing Karen’s and Joyce’s hand and pulling the two women out of bed with as much force as her small body could produce. “Wow, baby wait for mommy until she put her pullover on.” Annoyed, Holly let go and waited at the door, bouncing from one foot to the other in impatience. Karen got up and grabbed a Christmas sweater from the chair next to her bed and pulled it over her head, then she got another one and held it towards Joyce. “Wha- for me?”  
“Yeah!”  
“There’s no chance I’m putting that thing on.”  
“Oh, I guess you won’t have a choice, it’s Christmas.” And with that, she pressed the pullover into Joyce’s arms. With a sigh, she put on the blue sweater with small snowmen all over it. It looked horrible, but Karen was right, so she’d do it for Christmas’ sake. Holly had already left the room and went to the living room with the others when the two women decided to follow them. Under the tree, there was a huge pile of presents Karen and Joyce had put there the night before, they knew they didn’t necessarily need to do that anymore, but they did it mostly for Holly. Who, as this point, was already shrieking in excitement.  
“Look how many presents Santa brought us!”, she screamed before sitting down in front of the pile, the others following. Everyone else, Joyce noticed, was also wearing one of those horrible Christmas sweaters, El a red one, Will and Jonathan green ones, Mike a yellow one and Nancy and Holly purple ones. El, Will, Mike and Holly already started to search for their presents in the pile, while Jonathan and Nancy took the ones they bought for each other and handed them over in person. “Merry Christmas.”, they both mumbled before giving each other a small kiss.  
“Woah, mommy look what Santa brought me!”, Holly said and held up a pretty doll with a pink dress and dark braids.  
“Wow, what a pretty one.”, Karen complimented and went over to her kids to look at their presents together.  
Joyce smiled and watched as Will unpacked a new drawing set he had wanted for a while already. With a smile, he turned around to look at his mother and wrap her up in a warm hug.  
“Thanks.”, he said, smiling.  
“I know you wanted this one for a long time already.”, she answered while hugging him back.  
“I did.”, he pulled back, still smiling, and turned towards Mike to show him his present, while Mike was doing the same to show him a book which looked like it was about the making of of the Star Wars movies. El had just unpacked her present; it was a skateboard. The girl had been amazed by Max’ skateboard skills, so Joyce decided to get one for her, too. El turned around, a wide smile on her face and sparkles in her eyes, and moved to hug Joyce too. “Thank you so much.”, she almost screamed happily and hugged Joyce so tightly that she couldn’t breathe for a second.  
“I hope you like it, honey.”  
“I do, I love it!” Joyce laughed at the girl’s overexcitement, then El turned to accept the present from Mike, which turned out to be several Wonder Woman comics. El reacted to the present with a huge smile and a hug for Mike. “Uh, mom?”, that was Jonathan and Joyce turned to look at him. “We also got you something… We didn’t exactly know what we should buy, so we created something else… Hope you like it. It’s from El, Will and me.” With that, he handed her a rectangular package.  
While Joyce carefully unwrapped the present from the red wrapping, Will and El also moved closer to Jonathan and Joyce to not miss her reaction. The rectangular package turned out to be a book. But not a random book, no, it was filled with photos, drawings, sketches and small quotes and texts, all related to their small, untypical family. The texts were about gratefulness (mostly from El) and summed up some of the greatest, funniest or most important memories they shared, the photos (probably taken by Jonathan) were random snapshots taken over the last year, some of them included all of them together, some just a few or only one of them. The drawings (obviously made by Will, Joyce recognized the style) were additions to El’s texts, or fantasy drawings of them all as superheroes, or just random sketches of a random family member.  
As Joyce looked through the pages, tears shot into her eyes. “I- Wow, this is so beautiful.” She sniffled and wiped a single tear from her cheek. “Thank you. I love you so, so much.”  
With that, she put the book aside and pulled her three kids into a group hug, kissing them all on the head. The emotions inside her made it hard for her to not burst into tears right here and now. How could she ever doubt her children’s love for her? Jonathan was right, they loved her as much as she loved them. They were a family.  
She pulled back to wipe her tears from her cheeks once again, what earned a small “aww” from her kids. “Oh, shush.”, she said, laughing lightly.  
While the four of them had fully concentrated on themselves, they hadn’t noticed how Holly, Nancy and Mike had decided to give their present to their mother too. It seemed to be a set of pretty silver jewellery; a ring, a necklace and a bracelet, each part with one of the kids’ initials: the necklace had a H for Holly, the ring a M for Mike, and the bracelet a N for Nancy. Karen was visible touched by the present as she pulled each of her kids into a hug, too. “Thank you so much, my babies. This is such a pretty idea, I love you.”  
She kissed her children’s cheeks, then she slipped the ring on her finger and put the bracelet on. With the necklace, she looked at Joyce. “Could you close it for me?”  
“Uh, sure.”  
Karen pulled her hair over her shoulder to give Joyce better access, who took the two ends of the necklace and put the hook into the small gap at the other end. As her fingertips brushed Karen’s soft skin, it’s like a fire lit inside of her. Her entire hand prickled, and she had to bite her lip to keep herself from pulling back in surprise. The butterflies in her stomach kicked in so suddenly that she almost blacked out for a second. 

_Wow, wait, no- This isn’t going to happen!_

Karen, who didn’t seem to have noticed anything, turned around again and thanked her with a smile. “So, what does it look like?”, she asked.  
“Pretty.”, El answered.  
Pretty, yes, indeed. The silver emphasized the sparkle in Karen’s light brown eyes, and her face, with this stunning smile, was framed by her blonde, long hair with outgrowing bangs. 

_I am not falling for Karen Wheeler, I am not falling for Karen Wheeler!,_ she repeated like a mantra in her head. 

Joyce wanted to touch her again, simply to reassure herself that Karen was real, that she wasn’t some kind of beauteous fairy, and to feel this breath-taking tingle on her skin and in her stomach again.

_Shit, I am falling for Karen Wheeler._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Christmas, Karen, Joyce and Holly go grocery shopping. What's the worst that could possibly happen?  
> Also, Holly Wheeler is an underrated cutie, fight me.
> 
> TW: panic attacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Me updating this fanfic? Unbelievable.  
> I know it has been quite a while, and I am sorry for that, but I had a lot to do and my mental stability also kinda said goodbye (don't worry tho, I'm okay). But one thing is for sure: this fanfic won't stay unfinished. I will complete this one, no matter how long it takes. I kinda hope I will be able to finish it before I have to go back to school (in about two weeks), but I am not sure yet. Anyway, enjoy chapter 6 and sorry again for the long lack of updates :)

**December 27th, 1985**

She should’ve known. This wasn’t the first time she was falling for someone; she knew how it felt, and _this_ , wow, straight up in love. Joyce didn’t know why she didn’t realise it earlier. Maybe she did realise, but tried to push the feelings away, drown them. First she only came back to Hawkins for her kids to be happier, longing for the moment they would leave the whole time through, and now she was falling for the mother of her children’s friends? Seriously? 

During the next two days, Joyce was in some kind of trance. Not a sad or anxious one, just a dreamy one. After the realisation had settled in and she couldn’t deny that she in fact had a (huge) crush on Karen, she needed some time to process it. How was she supposed to tell Karen? The kids? Should she even tell anyone or just push it down, go on with her life like before and avoid more drama for once? Was she even allowed to feel like that for someone, not even six months after Hopper’s death? Questions over questions haunted her mind, leaving her in phases where she smiled like an idiot because the butterflies drove her crazy, and then, two minutes later, phases where she had to lock herself in the bathroom and get her breath under control cause damn, being in love truly was, in so many ways, _terrifying_. It may not really be visible on the outside, but her having a crush was probably the only cliché thing about her: she acted all awkward and out of her mind, and she tended to mess it all up (like she did with Hopper…). She tried to avoid being alone with Karen for too long, simply because she couldn’t trust herself in not acting awkward and too obvious. It actually worked quite well, until Mike, El and Will decided to meet with their friends at Lucas’, and Jonathan and Nancy said they wanted to meet with Robin Buckley and, for some reason, Steve Harrington. They left not short after breakfast, at around 11 am, and suddenly, it was just Karen, Joyce and Holly. Well, Holly was in her room, probably playing with her new doll, so just Joyce and Karen. Wonderful.  
They spent their time with some pleasant conversation while cleaning the plates and putting the other breakfast stuff back to its place in the kitchen cabinets. Joyce was relieved that she didn’t do or say something embarrassing, and she actually managed to relax while she was sitting with Karen at the kitchen table, drinking the rest of their coffee. Suddenly, Holly entered the kitchen. She had obviously come out of her room while the two women were sunk in a conversation. “Can you help me with my drawing? I don’t know which colours I should pick.”, she asked. “Sure, come here.”, Joyce said without even thinking about it.  
The girl climbed onto the chair next to her and put her drawing onto the table as well as several pencils in different colours. The drawing was showing a girl and a boy standing next to an oversized rabbit (Holly obviously wasn’t that good with proportions yet…), both smiling widely under the blue sky and a shining, already halfway yellow-coloured sun. “Which colour should the girl’s dress have? And the boy’s shirt?”, Holly asked, sounding seriously concerned about the issue of which colour her stick figure’s clothes should have.  
Joyce had to smile a bit at the child’s behaviour and started looking through Holly’s pencils. “How about… a green dress and a red shirt?” “But the grass is already green.”  
“Hm. May I try something?”  
Holly nodded and pushed the paper towards Joyce who took a purple and a blue pencil and started to draw several layers of both colours onto the dress, so that a pretty, blue-violet shade resulted. It was nothing special, simple mixing of colours, but Holly watched her with amazement. “Woah! This is awesome!” Joyce chuckled. “Yeah, I know right? And you can do this with every colour you want.”  
Holly eyed the now coloured dress. “Now I know who Will has his drawing skills from.”  
“Oh, shush, Will is much better than me. I bet he would love to teach you a bit.”  
Holly’s eyes went wide. “He would?”  
“I’m pretty sure, yes. Why don’t you just ask him later?”  
A huge grin appeared on the girl’s face as she slipped off her chair and threw her little arms around Joyce, who pulled her onto her lap to hug her properly. She’s always had a soft spot for the youngest Wheeler, for kids in general.  
Karen was watching them, a soft smile on her lips. Seeing Joyce acting so natural and loving with all the kids, not just her own, made her heart melt. Joyce Byers was a lot of things; and a great mother was definitely one of them.  
“Mommy, can we go and get the fireworks for New Years Eve today?”, Holly’s voice ripped her out of her thoughts. “Uh, yeah, why not. Are you coming with us, Joyce?”  
Joyce chuckled at that. “What else could I possibly do?” 

xxxxx

As soon as they left the apartment, Joyce immediately felt the uncomfortable stringing of anxiety inside her stomach. Living with the Wheelers was like living in a bubble, a bubble of comfortableness and happiness, but now, as she sat next to Karen in the car, driving through Hawkins, all her senses were on alert once again. Her hands were shaking and she longed for a cigarette, but she couldn’t bring herself to smoke in the car with Karen and Holly, so she just sat on the passenger seat, trying to look calm. But it was a challenge. Driving through the town, seeing the streets and buildings that belonged to the city she used to call “home”, almost made her go crazy. The old downtown seemed to have gotten back into business after Starcourt burned down, people were walking around everywhere, shopping and chattering with neighbours and friends on the sidewalk. Even Melvald’s got its customers back, Joyce noticed as they drove past the building.  
Karen parked the car in the small parking lot in front of the local supermarket. They got out of the car and Joyce took Holly’s hand and the shopping list while Karen drove the shopping cart. Though her anxiety still got her on edge, Joyce couldn't ignore the little happiness she felt while buying the groceries and fireworks with Karen and Holly. The last time she went shopping with anyone else was... well, a long time ago, and ever since then she couldn't help but feel a small, sad jealousy at the sight of all the families happily buying all their stuff together. But now, it felt like she was a part of one of those families. She knew that becoming an actual family with the Wheelers was as likely as Jonathan listening to classical music, but still, she had spent the entire day with Karen and Holly and this made her dream a little bit, and it felt beautiful. As she was reading out the shopping list once again so Karen could collect all the vegetables, she had to suppress a smile which would've made her look like a complete idiot. Luckily Karen didn't notice and just kept putting the vegetables into the shopping cart undeterred. Suddenly, Joyce heard a hasty whisper from behind her and turned her head to see two women who she recognised as the mothers of two of Jonathan's former classmates. As soon as they saw that Joyce, and Karen now too, noticed them, they shut up and put on a not very authentic smile instead. The years following her divorce had taught Joyce how to look through fake smiles and masks, facing those expressions at least five times a day when she was in town caused her to see through wrong expressions and emotions instantly, and this was definitely a case of an often used, but very poorly faked smile. It made her insides turn. Karen didn’t seem to notice, she just put on a friendly smile as well and Joyce’s heart clenched painfully as she realised that Karen was (used to be?) that type of suburban lady she would receive a judgmental or pitying smile from.  
“Mrs. Wheeler!”, one of the two women said (Joyce noticed how she said “Mrs.” and it made her scoff inside), “long time no see! How are you doing?” They quickly involved Karen in some smalltalk, ignoring Joyce completely except maybe a short sideways glance. She honestly didn’t know what she’d expected. People didn’t talk to “crazy Joyce” for a long time anymore already.  
“Is it true, you really left Ted? No, right?”, one of the two asked directed at Karen.  
Joyce felt the tension rise and looked at her friend, who still had a polite smile on, but she could see a small glimpse of confidence in her eyes which caused her to smirk a little. “I did, actually. Since the beginning of December we don’t live together anymore.”  
The smile on the two women's faces faded and the tension rose even more. They eyed Karen critically (their try to hide it seemed pathetic) and it caused boiling anger inside of Joyce. “Oh. And the kids?”  
“What about them? They’re with me.”  
“And you are here now. With… Joyce Byers.” This was the first time they really paid attention to her, but they didn’t even feel the need to hide their contempt. It was obviously a nicer way to say ‘oh Karen, look how low you’ve sunk.’  
“Yeah. That’s right.” Karen’s voice was full of innocence and sweetness, a skill she’d always had; playing the pure angel, “now if you’ll excuse us, we have to get fireworks for New Years Eve. Have fun playing happy family with your husbands.” She gave them the sweetest smile she could produce, then she walked past the two women, Joyce with Holly followed her.  
Joyce saw how Karen smirked with self-confidence, and honestly, it amazed her. Joyce’s self-confidence had sunk to the lowest it has ever been after she got divorced and the judgemental and pitiful glances towards her started. Her strategy was to ignore them, and a few years later, she ended up as “crazy Joyce” and with zero close friends. Karen instead seemed to glow in self-confidence. She had always been a smart, cunning woman who didn’t let anyone get her down, and Joyce was deeply impressed by that. It wasn’t like Joyce was a person to easily get down, and she also wasn’t stupid or extremely insecure, but she never was a huge professional when it came to social things and conversations, while Karen certainly was. And to be honest, it made her feel better too. Karen wasn’t standing in this metaphorical light of her self-confidence and left Joyce in darkness and filled with jealousy and shame; this “light” highlighted her as well, as if the self-confidence Karen radiated increased Joyce’s as well.  
Karen noticed Joyce’s amazed expression and looked at her, laughing a bit. “What?”, she asked, though Joyce was pretty sure she knew ‘what’.  
Joyce didn’t reply, she just shook her head with a wide smirk on her face, what made Karen giggle even more. They paid for their purchases and went outside to the car. Karen and Joyce were just putting the groceries into the car when Holly suddenly shrieked and grabbed something from the backseat.  
“I still have to give Laura her Christmas present! She visited her family in New York over the holidays and I forgot to give it to her on the last day of school.” Laura Carter was Holly’s best friend. Holly looked up to her mom. “Can we quickly go to Laura’s?”  
“Of course sweetie, get in the car and we’ll stop at her house on the way home.”  
Holly looked around and pouted a bit. “Can we walk there? It’s not far, and it snowed so much last night.”  
Karen looked at Joyce, hesitating a second. “What do you think?”  
“Yeah, why not? I don’t mind.” Actually, she just wanted to go back to Karen’s apartment and not walk around in town any longer, but the Carter’s house really wasn’t far and it also was just a fucking town. _What’s the worst that could happen?_ Joyce asked herself.  
“Okay honey, we can walk there. But don’t stay there too long, we have to bring the groceries home.”  
Holly beamed and started walking, Joyce and Karen followed her after Karen locked the car. It didn’t even take them ten minutes to walk to Laura’s house. Holly rang the doorbell, gave the present to her best friend and exchanged a few words as well as a happy belated Christmas. Laura’s mother joined her at the door and greeted them, explained that Laura had to leave for her piano lesson in thirty minutes (otherwise Holly could’ve stayed for the afternoon) and had some small talk with the two other women (well, mostly with Karen, since Joyce wasn’t a fan of small talk), then Holly, Karen and Joyce got on their way back. Holly talked with her mother about her gift ideas for Nancy’s and Mike’s birthdays while they were walking, and Joyce listened for a while, then she drifted off and watched the people and her surroundings instead, not really paying attention to where they were going. There were several smaller shops with flats above, the church steeple was visible in the distance and they got closer to the center of the town. And then, the buildings were gone, and there just was a huge, empty surface. The former Starcourt. The mall building was gone and the asphalt was covered with gravel, but except from that nothing had changed. There weren’t any new buildings, or sites, or reminders of what happened here. It seemed like the town just forgot, left this showplace of drama and tragedy behind and moved on.  
Joyce couldn’t rip her gaze away from the gravel-expanse. On July 4th she was standing maybe hundred metres away from her current position on that exact same parking lot, dressed in a russian uniform and with a bleeding wound on her right cheekbone, a mess emotionally as well as physically. And now, almost half a year later, she was here again, snowflakes in her hair, her fingers and nose numb from the cold, and her body unable to move. She was frozen to the spot, and felt paralyzed. Her surroundings went silent, she couldn’t hear the cars anymore, the people talking and walking around, for a second she was stuck in complete silence before a quiet, rhythmic sound of a beating heart reached her ears, the pace becoming quicker in a frightening short period of time. It was her own heart, the sound hammering against the inside of her skull, making her head and ears ache.  
Suddenly, it was like she was there again. The burning mall, the people, the rain, the military...  
The events of that night replayed in front of her, and she wanted to run away, wanted to hide and close her eyes, do every possible thing to keep herself from living through it all over again, but she couldn’t.  
Her chest tightened and her lungs felt like cardboard, the familiar feeling of panic consumed her entire body.  
_The sky was dark and cars, ambulances and fire trucks were standing everywhere. People were running around, shouting things hastily._  
“Joyce? Are you okay?” A female voice asked, barely audible over the rapid beating of her heart. Joyce didn’t recognize the voice, but it didn’t fit into this scenario at all. Her tears began flowing and she could barely breathe. Her hands were shaking and she curled them into fists, her fingernails digging into her palms. The sobs that escaped her were painfully loud inside her head, just like her heartbeat.  
_She walked over the parking lot in distress when suddenly Will came into her sight, ran towards her and pulled her into a tight hug a second later. Eleven slowly emerged from between two ambulances, obviously searching for someone. Him. Hopper. Who wasn’t there anymore. Who got blown up because of the woman who was currently crying into her son’s shoulder and whose heart broke at the sight of the young girl, looking so exhausted and destroyed._  
Joyce was caught in a swirl of memories, memories of El screaming and crying, Hopper looking at her right before she turned the keys, herself crying and panicking even months later, at some point even Bob came up, being once again torn into pieces by those things while reaching his bloody hand towards her-  
Her legs suddenly felt weak, and somewhere in the back of her head she could recognize the sudden movement of her body as her legs buckled and she dared to sink down to the ground if it wasn’t for two arms suddenly wrapping around her and pulling her back up, holding her steady by grabbing her by the shoulders.  
“Woah! _Oh shit._ Okay, can you hear me? Focus on my voice, alright?” Karen. Suddenly, she recognized her. Karen’s voice was still hard to understand, as if she was trying to talk under water, but Joyce could clearly feel the hands of the other woman on her shoulders. She was in town, shopping, with Karen and Holly-  
"Joyce, look at me please.”  
She hasn’t even noticed that she ever closed her eyes, but now, it took her a few seconds before she realised she pressed them shut. As she opened them, she could see the blonde’s face in front of her, brown eyes wide with concern.  
“Hey, I’m here, you’re safe. Just breathe.”  
Joyce didn’t know what she was doing with her hands, she just reached out for Karen, tried to hold onto, something, someone, _anything_. Her hands found Karen’s upper arms, gripping the fabric of her trench coat tightly. She kept staring into Karen’s chocolate brown eyes while she was trying to get her breath under control, and to her surprise it worked quite well. Karen had brought her left hand up to Joyce’s cheek and gently stroked her cheekbone with her thumb in a slow, calming rhythm, whispering small reassurances like “you’re safe, I got you.” or “breathe, it’s okay, I’m right here.”  
After what felt like a minute or two, Joyce’s breath had reached a normal pace again and she found herself able to talk, though her heart was still racing. She closed her eyes and swallowed, then she looked back into Karen’s face. Just now, she realised the air filled with tension between the two of them. They were so close to one another that their noses were almost touching, and Karen had unconsciously moved so close that her lips were just centimeters from Joyce’s.  
“Are you okay?”, the blonde asked quietly, Joyce could feel her breath on her lips.  
She took a second to let her eyes wander over her surroundings. Though Karen was here now (“here” was an understatement; she was just centimeters away from her), she was still standing at this gravel expanse and she could already feel her breath hitching and her chest pulling tighter just at the sight of it.  
“Can we… go somewhere else? Please?”, she asked, flinching at how weak and shivery her voice sounded.  
Karen nodded. “Of course.” She smiled and let go of Joyce, the… _whatever_ tension gone within a millisecond.  
As she started walking, Joyce immediately pulled her cigarette pack out of her pocket and lit a cigarette, it took her a few more seconds than usual due to her still shaking hands. Meanwhile, Karen put her hand on the small of Joyce’s back for comfort, but still made sure to make a casual appearance, walked next to her with a calm and friendly face, like usual, so that other people didn’t notice that something was off and that Joyce just had a panic attack right here on the street. She took over a protective role, and Joyce actually hated this gesture, it made her feel weak, like others thought she’d need their protection and that they could just use her weakness for their own good (those were Joyce’s trust issues speaking), but as Karen did it it felt good, calming, and fulfilled its actual purpose. Maybe it was because Karen was a woman, or maybe because she was just Karen. Either way, Joyce appreciated the gesture.  
Holly, who had walked a few more metres and waited for the two women on the next corner, now ran towards them and frowned as she saw the tears which haven’t fully dried yet on Joyce’s cheeks.  
“Why are you crying?”she asked, concerned, and Joyce sighed. How was she supposed to explain to a six year old girl that she just had a panic attack?  
“Well, I… I just visited a place I actually never wanted to go back to.”  
Holly looked confused from the older woman over to the spot where she stood just a minute ago, and seemed to understand. Of course she knew what had happened at the Starcourt Mall in summer, and she was also incredibly smart for her young age. Joyce could see the realisation settling in on the child’s face, and then the little girl walked to stand next to Joyce and put her little hand into hers, not letting go as they kept walking down the street. Though Joyce was exhausted and still slightly absent in some way, she had to smile a little at the caring behaviour of the two Wheelers. 

After a while they had left the small downtown and reached the rural part of Hawkins, the one that simply consisted out of fields, pastures for animals and here and there a farm. The wide fields were covered in sparkling snow, the only thing that wasn’t completely white were the horses and cows on the pastures and the trees visible at the horizon. It simply looked magical, and not really like Hawkins at all. It was like they were in a different town, a different world. Just Joyce, Karen, Holly and a never ending surface of snow. When she still lived in Hawkins, Joyce used to love to come here and just walk around on the country roads and green fields, even back when she was still a teenager. It had always helped her to sort out her constantly racing thoughts or to simply catch a break and calm down. The wide fields gave her the feeling of freedom, of endless possibilities, of _hope_. Here, she wasn’t under the constant judgmental gaze of others, she could do whatever she wanted, but she still had the overall view over everything that was approaching her, could see into all directions. Her surroundings were a perfect metaphor for where she wanted to stand in life, literally as well as figuratively.  
Now, it fulfilled this function only halfway. Joyce wasn’t panicking anymore, she had calmed down, but therefore she felt exhausted now. Exhausted, disappointed, and ready to break down and cry. She should've known that it would come like that. Over the last days she had developed a naive hope that it was indeed possible for her to live normally here in Hawkins again. She inwardly scolded herself for this. Nervously she chewed on her lower lip, trying not to cry. She felt tired. She lit another cigarette and felt Karen’s sideways glance on her.  
“I’m okay.”, she mumbled, though she certainly was not.  
Karen nodded, took her hand off Joyce’s back and was now simply walking next to her, hands in her pockets, what disappointed Joyce a bit. She’d love to be touched by the blonde again, wanting to feel the chills running down her spine. Or go back to their position from before, while Karen did her best to pull Joyce out of her panic attack. Thinking back now, she realised how intimate this must’ve looked like; Karen’s lips just centimetres from hers, her hand on her cheek while Joyce was desperately holding onto her coat-  
Sure, she was in panic back then and didn’t notice, but now she was convinced that if not, she would’ve just straight up melted.  
She watched Holly run a few metres to the fence of a pasture to pet a horse which was looking at the little girl curiously, and suddenly, she felt a little jealous. For Holly, and Karen probably as well, this didn’t feel like a maneuver to relax after an overdose of anxiety, it simply felt like a nice walk on the snowy fields outside of Hawkins on a December afternoon. Once again, Joyce realised that her experiences, with this town, with supernatural activities, turned her into an outcast. Even when she was with Karen and Holly. Tears burned in her eyes again, and she took another deep drag from her cigarette.  
“I used to come here more often when Mike and Nancy were still younger.”, Karen’s words ripped Joyce out of her thoughts, “they used to love it here. I did, too.”  
She put on a small smile and looked over to Karen, who also had a light smile on her lips. She seemed, once again, to shine, there was something about her that made her look like she was glowing all the time, and the snowflakes caught in her hair looked like sparkles. Joyce found that Karen looked stunning, with her hair loosely falling onto her shoulders and her make-up only decent, she looked real, so open, and it hypnotized Joyce in a fascinating way. She wanted to put both her hands on Karen's cheeks, pull her closer and just look at her beautiful face for hours.  
“Yeah, me too. It’s just so… peaceful. When they were younger Jonathan and Will convinced me at least twice a week to come out here with them cause they wanted to see the horses. But then Lonnie left, and I was at work all day, the boys were in school, and suddenly they were both too old for that.”  
“They grow up way too fast. I see it for the third time right now; Holly is becoming more mature every day and it’s insane.”  
"Where did the little girl that was so amazed by the flickering lights go?”  
Karen laughed. “I know, right? God, that seems so long ago, but it’s barely been three years.”  
“Yeah…” Three years, and so much happened within these. Her life before Will’s vanishing seemed like from another lifetime.  
“You never told me, by the way. The truth behind the thing with the lights. Same thing with Starcourt. It feels like what I know isn’t everything, and it’s kind of eating me up. There are so many things that aren’t completely clear yet…”  
Joyce stayed silent. So Karen didn’t know everything…  
“Do you _want_ to tell me?”, the blonde asked. Joyce couldn’t help herself and sighed. _Do we have to have this conversation now?_  
“Yes.”, she answered after a short second, “but not right now.”  
“Okay. I understand.”  
“Thanks.” Her voice cracked a bit and she had to look away so Karen couldn’t see the small tear rolling down her cheek.  
God, she wanted to tell Karen everything. Everything that had happened over the last years, not only the past three, but also the years before. The years before and after her divorce, the years she spent alone with her boys. And yet she knew, even if she told Karen, and even if she said she understood and tried to support her as best as possible, Karen would never be able to fully relate. She hadn’t been there when everything happened, and so some things were probably impossible for Karen to imagine or fully understand.  
She flinched a bit as she suddenly felt Karen’s hand on her shoulder. The blonde looked at her, she must’ve noticed how Joyce purposefully looked away, and that she was crying again. Shit. But she didn’t look overly concerned or confused. Somehow, she looked understanding. Like she knew that Joyce had a lot of things she wanted to tell her, but that she needed some more time. She probably did know. Silently, without words, the two women exchanged their thoughts.  
_There is a lot I want to tell you, but I don’t know how and when._  
It’s going to be okay, take your time.  
Karen gave her a small, reassuring smile, then they continued walking. Suddenly, Karen's hand touched Joyce's for a second. She didn't know if it was on purpose or by accident, but the exciting little tingle she immediately felt made her lace her fingers with Karen's either way. Her hand was warm and soft and the way her thumb brushed over her knuckles made her heart skip a beat. Joyce shot a small glance over to the other woman. Karen's eyes were fixed on Holly who walked about 50 metres in front of them, but she was chewing on her lower lip and her cheeks had a light pink shade which Joyce was sure didn't come from the cold. She was probably blushing herself. She knew she would always be kind of an outcast to everyone who wasn’t directly involved in past events, but Karen had just proven to her that she was trying her best to be there, to understand, and that may not equal the relationship she had with, for example, Hopper, but it was better than nothing. And right now, another person’s patience and understanding was everything she needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Reviews are appreciated :)  
> 


End file.
